How To Set Goals That Resonate With Who You Are
I talk a lot with people who have long lists of goals and aspirations, but they have one common struggle that holds them back from achieving their goals: the goals they’ve set aren’t really aligned with who they are.
A Common But ‘Bad’ Way Of Setting Goals
A lot of people end up setting goals based on external, societal, or familial expectations.
Setting a goal of having kids by a certain age because you’ve been told your entire childhood that “having kids is the meaning of life” when deep down, you value your freedom more than anything and love the job that takes you traveling all over the world, is a perfect example of this.
It’s gonna be hard to achieve that goal when it’s not what you actually want, but the message is so internalized you barely realize you have other options.
Why This Doesn't Work
This rarely works if you want to live a happy, fulfilled life. In fact, you might end up miserable *because* of it.
When your goals aren’t rooted in what you truly want and your personal values, you’ll struggle to achieve them. Instead of enjoying the journey, you’ll have to force yourself to do the work.
Anyone who’s ever had to do math homework they didn’t understand knows the struggle.
You may be able to rely on pure willpower and determination for a while, but most of us quit the goals that rely on that before achieving them. And even if you do achieve them, you’re now stuck living a life you didn’t actually want.
If your dream life is a nightmare to maintain, it’s not your dream life.
How To Set Goals That Are Authentic To Who You Are & What You Want
You should focus on setting goals that are aligned with who you really are instead, so let’s get into how you can do just that.
To set goals that are aligned with you and your soul, you need to identify and prioritize your core values and aspirations. Then, you can set goals that will take you in the right direction.
So what do you really want out of life?
You need to be able to answer this question. This isn’t always easy to know, wherever you turn, you’ll see someone with an opinion on what you should work towards in life. Knowing yourself well is crucial to be able to answer this question, so take some time to reflect on what you truly want.
2. What do you want to do all day?
This is a good place to start when trying to figure out what you actually want in life.
3. What are your core values?
Values don’t exist in a vacuum. Knowing what your core values are will make it easier to make decisions aligned with your true self. If a core value of yours is freedom, then working towards a downpayment on a house might not be aligned. If a core value is creativity, then having a job that requires you to do the same thing in the same way, day in and day out, might not be right for you (even if it pays well, which was the reason you talked yourself into it in the first place).
Now that you’ve identified your values and what you truly want your life to look like, it’s time to set goals that are aligned with this.
Prioritize what’s most important to you, and start there. Your goals don’t have to be super specific, and setting a goal that will take you in the right direction is more than enough.
Conclusion & Next Steps
In short, setting goals based on external factors is bad. You’ll struggle to achieve them, and you’ll be miserable while you’re working on them. Instead, you must know what your core values are and what you truly want out of life. When you do, you can set goals that lead you in this direction instead. They’ll both feel good while doing the work and lead to a more fulfilling life.
This week’s action step: take stock of the goals you’ve set for yourself. Are they truly aligned with who you are and what you want from life? Can you make some adjustments either to the goal itself or how you work towards it that will make it feel more aligned and make it more fun to work towards?
That’s all, folks!
Until next week.
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